Call me "fanatical". Call me "intense". Tell me to "lighten up"... or "chill out"... or maybe to "cheer up"... Say what you want. All I know is my heart is heavy, and there's no other way to describe it, I guess, but to say my spirit is grieved.
Some people say I'm passionate for the Lord. Oh, I wish! He is my everything... EVERYTHING! He's the only thing that has been constant in my life. The only thing steady... the "ROCK". I want to share Him with everyone. Yet, I know I'm not passionate enough. I'm not turning the world "upside down" yet. I want to bring hope to everyone. I want to help people see who He is, and the light He brings. It seems so simple to me - there is no life or hope without Jesus leading you! I know - I've been there! There's nothing in this world that's worth living for, except for HIM. There's no purpose in life, unless you know your Creator - the one that designed you, and the plan for your life! Where else could I go?
After serving the Lord for almost 40 years, my world consists of mostly Christians - church people mainly. As a matter of fact, I just got home from church. So, why do I feel so heavy-hearted? I don't know.
I love to worship Jesus! What else is there? Yet, why does it seem like I'm pulling teeth when I go to lead people to worship THEIR God? Why does everyone sit way in the back? Come in late? Seem totally indifferent to worship, prayer, preaching. Not just this church, mind you, but the majority of churches. I've been in many! I'm talking about the people. Everyone seems so trapped in their hopelessness; their busy lives; stressful jobs; sicknesses; just plain tired. I guess I'm grieved, because I know that God doesn't want us to live like that. It breaks my heart. I hurt for these people, yet I know it's a trap they can get out of.
I know there are mountain tops and valley experiences - I've ridden the roller coaster many times! But I also know that God is faithful. He is the giver of breath, the giver of LIFE, the hope we have, the joy we have, the peace we have, the healing we have. Has everyone fallen asleep? Have we forgotten who set us free? Have we forgotten who we serve? Like the church in Ephesus... have we left our first love? God forbid it. Wake us up...
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Well, my week was looking dismal as Mother's Day approached. I was caught in waves of overwhelming sadness throughout the week. Between missing my mom, who passed away over 26 years ago, and missing all my children - who are grown and on their own - all while anticipating Mother's Day. This would be the first M-Day that I have not had one of my children with me. I tried to fight the tears, but I admit I was succumbing to the loneliness. So, I decided to just go to bed at 7 p.m. on Saturday night. Quite a boring life I lead, huh??
I laid there wondering why Bekah didn't call me when she got off work. 'Cuz as any good mom would know, I knew she had gotten off work several hours earlier. "My kids are just all too busy with their own lives to think of me..." I wallowed. Then the phone rang at a little past 9 p.m. Yes, my baby, Bekah came through. Trying not to sound too desperate for her call, I calmly asked how her day was, etc. She asked me if I was ready to give my annual "Mother's Day sermon", as I was trying to relate to her my hesitations about my message, the doorbell rang. "Oh no!" I exclaimed to her.. "I'm in my nightgown, in bed!" I jumped up and closed the door, as the 2 dogs were going crazy as they always do when someone is at the door. "Ah.. do you have to hang up, mom?" she asked. "No, I closed the door. Dad can deal with it." "What? It's too loud... the dogs are barking too loud.. I can't hear you, mom!". "No, honey, I closed the door, you can't hear the..." then it dawned on me "Bekah.. Bekah JoAnne! Where are you??" (As I could hear my 2 dogs over from the other end of the phone). I open my bedroom door, and there she stands! She and her friend had just driven 6 hours to surprise me.
Happy Mother's Day to me!! :)